Monday, December 07, 2009

 

Hello, I'm back

"State of mess" report

The past five years, I have had a cell with me 24/7.
This past week I went and came, here and there without
the little thing. It was good to have the freedom,
of not knowing what was happening elsewhere.

Over a year ago I claimed to retire again. I just spend the most work filled
year of my life. Not the kind that pays a return. I have been keeping up three households, and looking after four elderly folks counting myself.
My parents passed away this year, so now I've just got the two of us to look after.

Lookout geocaching, I will be making a come back, maybe not full throttle, but
will be out in the woods and just maybe I will hit a drive-by or two.

Yesterday I did something that I had almost forgot how to do. I just hit the road.
Ride around, road trip. I filled the tank, and drove off to where ever I showed up.
After two hundred and eighty miles, I had, had lunch with June, Allen, Robert, and the girls, rode thru Phat-bak county, seen some of my favorite hills, stopped at two apple houses, and then had some time at the cabin. Was home by dark.

This week I will be able to see some of my dearest friends, I will be glad to see them. time to check out facebook.

posted by Johnnie 11:32 AM

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Monday, November 30, 2009

 

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note. Romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves, and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note...



Darling,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones which are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she was wearing for the past weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on and she looked smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them Friday night. All My Love, P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

posted by Johnnie 9:03 AM

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Sunday, November 22, 2009

 

Why she changed hotels !

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.
"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now
how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

posted by Johnnie 1:16 PM

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Friday, November 20, 2009

 

Boy howdy, I've steped to a big pile of dodo now.

posted by Johnnie 10:54 AM

(1) comments

Monday, November 02, 2009

 

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

posted by Johnnie 8:00 AM

(2) comments

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

 

my legs are getting stiff, I need to get out of the house.

posted by Johnnie 9:24 PM

(1) comments

 

bd loves his tractor, I think I'm falling for mine.

posted by Johnnie 7:16 PM

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Had my ears looked into today. They could see a small light in there.
But I still can't hear nothing, Oh, they also took pictures, and I hope to hear from that in a few days.

posted by Johnnie 5:37 PM

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

 

by CHARLIE
(ALABAMA)


Don’t crank my tractor,

He was a man of few words
He had farmed near all his life
just last year his ex- best friend
Ran off with his wife
So when that young gal came on to him
He just turned his head
Then He looked her in the eyes
And this is what he said

Don’t crank my tractor
If you don’t intend to plow
You may think that I’m harmless
But I ain’t forgotten how
I don’t know how to play the game
That you are playing now
Don’t crank my tractor
If you ain’t gonna plow

posted by Johnnie 3:07 PM

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Friday, October 23, 2009

 

pb said he stepped in it again. hummmm The next geocache that I will be a part of,
stepping in it would be a good thing. I will be swimming in a cess pool of $hit.
All the planning so far has been working out how to get it on line without breaking any rules. It will be by the book, but as we know some of the cache hounds care less about the book. And that will make this one a classic. It will be Equal, to all.

posted by Johnnie 6:54 PM

(1) comments

 

This was going to be a note posted on "GC1AJ44" odd listing, a cache of mine that has been around about a year and a half.
But there is just one person watching that listing and I don't think they care about what I did.

There's just one cacher that has email me and said what was odd about it.
There have been others that worked the puzzle and found the cache.

I just revised the puzzle in hope it will give the cacher a better reason to find whats odd about it, we will see.

posted by Johnnie 6:40 PM

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

 

went to the bank to psut some papers in the deposit box, but when I in the bank, I found thatg I forgot the key. duh! Then, if that weren't enough, when I started tcut the grass I found that I forgot the mower, Just kidding folks, I did get the grass mowed. I started cleaning out the car, but had to check the mail, and email and here we are.

posted by Johnnie 5:27 PM

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Hey this is just Tuesday, and I have had a whole week of stuff, seems like.
I heard a quote yesterday, that got got me, with a say what?
"I couldn't see a thing, but I got a good glimpse"

The hot water heater is fixed. Took 3 days. The TV quit, and I had a fire built under
me about that. She couldn't live by her self without a tv. It took less than 3 hours
to replace it. I got to do some banking, shopping, and get some paper work done today.

Yesterday the maid came in while I was on facebook, and ask do you farm? I said sure do. She said I want to be your neighbour. I ask for her name so I could look her up and she said let me do it. She stood next to me and her hands where flying on the keys and she said we are now friends and neighbors. Wow I bet she can plow fast.

I service the furnest at both houses, but I still have to winterize the cabin.

I been doing a lot of stuff, but luckally I don't remember it all.
but the tractor did crank on these cool mornings.
twice!

posted by Johnnie 10:03 AM

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

 

"Late again!!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Crabtree, out at the ranch we got this here low down coyote. The last few nights, he done ate six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the
chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids.
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double barreled 12 gauge shot gun through the window of the coop.
"As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!
Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!

.

posted by Johnnie 9:31 AM

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Sunday, October 11, 2009

 

DIARY: DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my sexiest dresses and make-up.
Really excited.


DIARY: DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.


DIARY: DAY 3

At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DIARY:DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

DIARY: DAY 5

Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.

DIARY: DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.



.

posted by Johnnie 9:58 AM

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Thursday, October 01, 2009

 

Welcome fall weather
I am glad to see fall. Today October got here, and when I first open my eyes
this morning, I could feel it. A great morning to greet me. I have laid by my
crops in the farm, done all the lawn work at moms, and loaded thecar for the camping trip. I will be on a get away with my best friends for a few days, with camp fires, outdoor cooking, BSing, and just fun at its best. I love the out doors and fresh air.

see you there.

posted by Johnnie 8:31 AM

(1) comments

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

 

Why Men don't write advice colums...

Dear Lester,


I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbours daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past
six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was sacked from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Betty Sue

-------------------------------


Dear Betty Sue:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no dirt in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps.


Lester.


.

Labels: advice

posted by Johnnie 11:34 AM

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Friday, September 18, 2009

 

My day so for,
farming, weedeated wet grass in back yard, saved 2 websites, from the dieing geocities.
got stuff to make a naner pudding, did paper work for mother visited with best friend, for 2 hours. It just don't get better, around here.

posted by Johnnie 8:43 PM

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