Tuesday, July 17, 2007

 

More Southern Stuff,

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an
idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel
road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get
dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the
way.

4 They are cattle. That's why they smell to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't
like it? I-20 goes east and west, I-85 goes north
and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven
only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's
called being friendly. Try to understand the
concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves
are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear
at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really
want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to
all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's
Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use
three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!

Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T
REAL CHILI!! Real chili never met a tomato!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be
brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary
Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as
important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a
dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the
water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have
State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They
come outta there with an education plus a love for God
and country, and they still wave at everybody when
they come for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you
do, you will get whipped by the best.

18. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of the best people in the USA

UBU IBI

Labels: southern

posted by Johnnie 1:03 PM